One BIG IDEA, about a loss caused big life changes is called the transition process! From many people's stories and my own first hand experience, transition brings self-doubt!
* Who is that stranger in the mirror?
* Can they cut it?

Above, we pictured a loss as a mindset with a hole. Something is missing that was there before! It could be the death of a parent or more distant relative, now OUT, or GONE (causing that hole). If the rest of our life circumstances remain relatively unchanged, the previous steps are enough to understand your process.

However, some losses actually CHANGE your daily life, like needing to shift to different housing, finding day-care for children or changing your job for some reason. If your daily life is changed, you are IN transition!
Yet, most people DO NOT realize they are in transition until they are almost out!
Even if your circumstances are greatly improved, such as a new marriage, the above list will apply to some degree. But, you must add self-doubt to the list.

Why? Because, one mindset that has a hole is YOU, your self-image mindset! "Who do you think you are?" can become an embarrassing question. Whoever you were is an old mindset (now with a hole)! You could say a part of you died when the change took place.

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But, the new you is just getting going and you have no evidence of your future competence in the new situation. Result: Self-doubt!
* If you see this you are able to handle the doubt!
* If you don't see it, you may feel afraid, silly, incompetent, etc..
* If you feel this doubt, you can be assured it is part of the landscape in your journey.
* Don't let it undermine your ability to finish this sad chapter in your life. For a full account of this process see:
Transition: Rebound on the Springboard of Life Changes!

What if this Grief just doesn't want to go away? I believe grief is a creative act. It is the act of filling holes in our mindsets when loss occurs. Nevertheless, if you think it has gone on too long, you are wise to test your assumptions.
We can get lumbered by unfortunate assumptions as children. Our tribe or society uses these to control us (which is handy when our minds are underdeveloped!) Yet, many adults don't think for themselves because there is a cost (risk of being DIFFERENT).

I recall my mother often said: "See! God punished you for doing that." By my teen, I was not interested in a God which punished people, apparently even for honest mistakes.
I mentioned Dr. Kushner's book earlier.
It points out that we can be given bad advice about our losses.

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